hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
