Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
