I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
