Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
