I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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