3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
