dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
