Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
