Life is so much better after having sex.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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