Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
