so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
