Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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