just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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