I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
