I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
