remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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