did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
