Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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