I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
