I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
