I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cockslap morals
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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