eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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