My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
