Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize