Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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