Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
