i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
