my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He has the fingertips of a God
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