and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
