Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

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(718): View more from New York

Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.

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(917): View more from New York City

I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.

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(216): View more from Ohio

he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.

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(303): View more from Colorado

it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...

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