meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
