My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
