Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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