You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
