On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
