My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
