Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
