My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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