my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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