I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
