yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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