weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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