drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
