I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love you.
Bad choice
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize