so that wasnt chicken after all
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
