we're blogging at a bar
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
