I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
