Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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