There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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