i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Alive.
So much puke
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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