captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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