Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sober January is a disaster.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
