I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
did i just pee glitter
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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