Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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