using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we're making bets on your personal life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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