So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
