Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
