We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
