He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
