I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
