No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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