it hurts more in the daytime
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize