Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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