i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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