I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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