And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
