i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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