Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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