ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
