Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize