I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
