just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize