Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
