I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize