Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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