It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize