so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
nutella sex= disaster
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
how does that bad decision feel?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
