Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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