Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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