as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just invented taco cereal.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's shark week go big or go home
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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