i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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