They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize