I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
