So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
