Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
