I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
