That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
