I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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